I’m going to tell you a story that may or may not have taken place at Costco. It’s a story so wild that it may or may not have ever happened. Actually, who am I kidding? I totally made this shit up.
So I was sent by my wife to Costco to buy some groceries in the evening. I pumped some gas in my minivan before going into the store. Luckily, there weren’t too many people in the store–a rarity for Costco. Maybe it was because it was an hour from closing time.
I showed my membership card to the greeter at the entrance and got right down to business. I had a long list of things to buy. Electric toothbrush ($30 off), check. Croissants, check. Avocados, check. Bananas, check… but where was the garlic?
I looked around and found an employee who was organizing and stocking the apples. He was a 30-something year old guy wearing glasses with some chestnut-colored facial hair poking out from around his face mask (after all, these are pandemic times). His name tag said “Brent.”
I asked, “Excuse me, do you know where I can find garlic?”
Brent looked at me through his thick glasses for a moment, then motioned his hand half-heartedly as he began to walk away. “Follow me,” he said.
I followed the guy towards the back of the store, past the baked goods, the meats, the refrigerators, the toilet paper, and finally to the back room staging area where the trucks offload into the store. One of the big doors was open and you could see the lot behind the Costco and a few parked cars through the open door.
Brent kept walking, but I stopped, unsure whether or not I needed to continue following him. I saw him walk through the big door out into the night, where he opened up the back of a small sedan, presumably his personal car. He pulled a small purple bag out of the car and turned around, looking for me. He saw me still standing inside the store and waved me over.
It was a strange situation, walking out of the store to the back loading docks at night. In my mind, I questioned if I was doing the right thing. I looked around and saw no other employees or customers, but I walked out to him anyways.
Brent was just about to hand over the bag of garlic when he stopped. “Can I see your Costco membership card?”
I always have my membership card ready when I go to Costco, so I pulled it out and showed him. He leaned forward and squinted at it, then said “thanks” before handing the garlic over to me.
I turned and began walking back into the store with the bag of garlic when I heard Brent call out, “Hey buddy, come back here. I gotta show you something.”
I turned and saw him unzip the fly of his pants. I ran.
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